Don't try to talk to your child about what happened until he’s over the emotional storm.

 

1. Act Without Words

   • Parents often talk too much, especially when children have language delays.

   • A silent signal or picture could speak louder than words

   • Sometimes it is best to act without talking.  Example, Take your child by the hand and walk away .

   • Point at shoes when they need to be put on

2. Tell your child what you want him to do

   • Rather than “stop running” try “walking feet”

   • Rather than “don’t throw your cars” try “cars are for driving” and demonstrate

   • It is easier for your child to decipher what they are supposed to do if they are told what to do rather than what not to do.

3. Focus on strengths

   • When you see your child doing behaviours you want, compliments him.  Be specific.  “You got ready so fast for school, high 5.”

4. Connection before Correction

   • Hugs and stay calm

   • “I love you and I don’t want you to break your toys.”

5. Control your behavior

   • Give yourself a time away or take deep breaths.  Tell your child you are mad so you are going to take some deep breaths.

6. Use visual schedules/Routines

   • Children thrive on routine it helps them feel safe because they know what to expect next.

   • Create and follow routines at home where you can

   • Let the routine be the boss.  “What’s next on your routine chart?”

   • Use pictures of your child or their belongings whenever possible on a visual schedule

7. Identify and reduce triggers

   • Hungry

   • Sleepy

   • Bored (dragged to too many stores)

   • Crowds

   • Sensations (noise, touch)

   • Transitions

   • Waiting

8. Distract and Redirect

   • This is number 1 for toddlers and kids with speech delays

   • Move your child away from the activity they are not suppose t be doing and engage them in an activity they can do

   • Keep your child occupied during waiting times (special toys that only come out on car trips and doctor offices)

9. Give warning before transitions

   • Children have a hard time understanding 2 more minutes, so make it more concrete by”

     • Use visual timers

     • Use naturally occurring timers.  First we eat supper than we play in the sandbox.

     • Finish your puzzle than we get dressed

   • Give your child a 3 min, 1 min warning before switching activities (cleaning up, getting dressed…)

10. Make things fun

    • Keep your child occupied during waiting times (special toys that only come out on car trips and doctor offices)

    • Great for cleaning up

      • I have a secret mission for you…

      • Do you want to pick up the blocks or cars first?

      • Would you like some help?  Do you want to pick up the blocks or cars?

      • Can you pick up more lego than mommy?

      • Can you get dressed before I count to 10?

11. Proximity

    • Come close and get down to their level rather than yelling instructions across the room

    • Give one instruction at a time “please get your socks” rather than “please get your socks, put them on, get your shoes and coat.”

    • Speak softly

    • Try saying “I have a message for you” to help your child focus.

12. Following Through and Consistency

    • If you don’t follow through kids learn that you don’t always mean what you say and will try to negotiate or will ignore.

    • If you say “first we brush teeth than a story”  and your child doesn’t brush his teeth than don’t read a story.  Restate the first… then… statement and read the story after the teeth are brushed.

      • Make sure if you said story after teeth that you read a story after his teeth are brushed (even if he didn’t brush the first time he was asked).  It is important that your child knows that if he does what you asked that you will do what you said.

13. Jobs

    • Ask them to be your special helper

14. Limited Choices

    • Choices provide small steps in shared power.

    • Make sure you give 2 choices you are ok with

    • “Which boots do you want to put on, blue or green?”

    • “I know you don’t want to come inside, but it is dinner time.  Do you want to have milk or juice with dinner?”

    • “It is time to go to the car.  Do you want a piggyback or walk by yourself?”

    • It can be empowering to add “you decide” after giving 2 choices.  Pictures or showing the objects to choose between can help understanding.

15. Mirror

    • Pointing out what you see if often enough to motivate change

    • “I notice your toys outside and it is starting to rain.”

    • This allows children to think about what needs to be done, versus hearing you nag

16. One Word

    • Use one word as a kind reminder will simplify language demands and helps you avoid lecturing

    • “all done”

    • “bedtime”

17. Small Steps

    • Break down tasks to allow children to understand what they need to do and can experience success.     

    • Instead of saying “clean up” say “put all of the blocks in this box like this” or put a hula hoop around one portion of the floor and tell them to clean up what is in the hula hoop

18. Do the opposite

    • When your child gets worked up and yells it is easy to get worked up too and raise your voice.  Instead try doing the opposite of your child is doing.  Use a calm quiet voice.

19. Prepare in Advance

    • Have a visual schedule your child can refer to.  Use Velcro or magnets to you can add changes in advance

    • Talk to your child about changes before they happen.  “Tomorrow instead of getting on the bus, mommy will pick you up and we will go to school.”

    • Prepare kids for something new (going to the dentist or a new dayhome) by reading books or looking at pictures ahead of time

20. Ensure Understanding

    • Children may not do what you want because they don’t know what you want.

    • Use short simple sentences: “shoes on.”

    • Use pictures or models

    • Use FIRST – THEN statements .  “First wash hands then snack”

    • Wait time: give your child time to process what you have told them to do

    • Give reminders along the way, child may not be able to remember multi-step directions