Do's & Don'ts During Meltdowns
DON'T
Don't try to "control" your child
"stop yelling right now!"
Don't talk too much
Don't become irritated or angry
try to remain neutral
Don't throw fuel on the fire
"if you don't stop yelling I am doing to throw all your toys out!"
DO
Counterbalance the child’s actions / emotions (mirror neurons)
if the child is “storming,” you be calm and soothing
Validate emotions
"you're so mad"
Give your child words
"say help please"
Distract & Re-Direct
Remove the situation from the child, rather than the child from the situation (if possible)
After the child has been calm for some time, ask what was going on in the child’s mind and feelings
Try to determine your child's triggers and create preventitive strategies for next time
tired, hungry, overstimulated
Redirection
Instead of saying “Don’t,” redirect to “Do”
•Move your child away from the activity they’re not supposed to be doing and engage them in an activity they can do that meets the same needs
•If a child is coloring on the walls, show them where they can color instead
•Keep your child occupied during unstructured times or waiting times
•Give your child something to do when he/she has to wait, such as a “busy box” when you are on the phone, or plan activities ahead of time (e.g., give them a special bag of toys when they’re in the car; have some activities, like coloring or play dough, if the child seems bored / antsy)
The Way You Ask
-
Give limited choices (between alternatives you will allow): do you want apple or banana?
-
Make chores a game: How fast can you clean up / get dressed? Can you beat your own record?
-
Whisper the request as a secret (e.g., I have a secret mission for you)
-
Allow children the opportunity to help throughout the day – preschoolers love to help (it’s a developmental stage): “Can you do a special job to help Daddy?” Vs. “Go put your shoes on.”
-
Ask children to show you or show a sibling how to do something, which may be more motivating to them (elicits feelings of competence)
-
Use simple language (e.g., First-Then) to help a child know what you expect or what’s coming next (with visuals when necessary)
-
Give children time to process instructions (state the instructions, but wait; if a child doesn’t respond right away, it might mean that they don’t understand / need more time to understand)
-
Tell kids what TO do instead of what not to do (i.e., instead of saying “No hitting,” say “Gentle hands.”)
-
Using visuals can help focus kids, take out the control element and help with children with limited communications skills. Click for